The Pain in My Heart
by DoraCatBuu
Summary: Edward attempts to tackle Mt. Ordeals, when Kain saves him from Scarmiglione. After spending weeks in Baron recovering, Edward develops feelings for the dragoon, but can he fully let go of Anna? And are his feelings even returned?


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Final Fantasy IV. SquareEnix does, and the game is a godsend on the DS. Unfortunately, it has no Edward/Kain, and so I'm forced to fix that.

It had been over a year since Edward had even seen sign of Cecil and his friends. Over a year spent alone in that hospital bed, and then on an airship, flying toward the crumbling Tower of Babil, and then alone once more in the ruins of Damcyan, where he had lost his beloved Anna. Over a year since he felt the last signs of friendship fade from everyone he had tried to make a connection with, and it had bothered him. Was he a coward? Edward could no longer know. Cecil didn't believe he was, but many did, and it had caused him to lose sight of who he was. No, who he _wanted_ to be. He _wanted_ to be strong, and he _wanted_ to make his life worth the years it was, and he could think of only one place to do that. To scale Mt. Ordeals. But, as he made his way to the continent of Mysidia, and as he scaled the cliffs, he found that his self-appointed ordeal was nothing he could have ever dealt with, no matter how strong he had become. He had expected monsters, had expected to get wounds and injuries, and that had been all right with him. He had adventured with Cecil enough to know the perils of travel. But, as he reached the summit, what he had never expected was that Scarmiglione was awaiting him at the top. How the arch-fiend lived yet again couldn't be known to the bard, but he had stood there, glaring down at Edward as the young bard shivered on that fateful rope bridge, his harp in his hand.

"So... you've come to try and face your own truth, eh?" the beast growled, drool dripping from his fangs as Edward backed away, "I was hoping I'd be devouring Cecil... but you'll do nicely." Edward stepped off of the bridge as Scarmiglione advanced, but he had no intention of escaping. He doubted he could outrun the fiend, anyway. Scarmiglione's eyes began to glow, and as Edward tripped, stumbling backwards, the fiend laughed and said, "Ah... Edward Chris von Muir... the last of the royal blood of Damcyan, eh?" He spat on the ground, laughing once more, "I can see the terror in your eyes as you look at me. Ah... the sadness... the confusion... it's a delicious spice. You will be the best feast I've ever had." Scarmiglione opened his mouth, blasting Edward with a gas so noxious, Edward nearly threw up on the ground beside him. He choked, unable to get the smell of rotting flesh out of him, and could just barely hear the fiend advancing further, ready to devour his body and soul alike.

"Please..." he whispered, "Help me... Anna... Cecil... someone..." He tried to crawl away, but his body's already low constitution gave out, and he fell to the floor again. Scarmiglione laughed, sending more of the toxic fumes onto Edward, who gasped in pain as the poison set into his skin. It only made the arch-fiend's wicked grin grow, pleasure dripping from his hollow eyes. To him, the more pain that Edward felt, the sweeter the taste of his failure would be. Scarmiglione tossed his head aside, his horns skimming a dead trunk.

"There will be no help for you, my young prince," Scarmiglione growled, his eyes glowing red as his voice grew deeper, "You will be my finest dish yet!" And then, it had happened. Edward didn't know how, or why it happened, but a blast had sent Scarmiglione flying back, and when the smoke cleared, all Edward saw was a spear protruding from the beast's back, black blood dripping from it. His eyes widened, his body trembling in uncontrolled fear as he saw his rescuer slam once again into the beast, causing Scarmiglione to roar in agony.

"Get away, you demon!" said a voice, but for Edward, he could not place it, for in that moment, Edward collapsed. But even that had seemed so long ago. Now, he laid in bed yet again, but where he had been taken hadn't been known to him. All he knew was that he had been resting, and now he stared at the stone ceiling, wiping the sweat collecting on his pale skin. He had been rescued, but who had saved him? It wasn't Cecil, that much he knew. But the presence still felt... familiar to him. As though he should know who it had been.

"Where... am I?" Edward asked himself, struggling to sit up. Even if he had been resting for years, he doubted it'd do his body any good. He just felt too weak, and as he slid and crashed into the mattress again, the door to the room opened, admitting one figure in. To his complete surprise, it was Kain Highwind. The dragoon crossed his arms as he saw Edward's flustered face, and snorted as he shook his head.

"You should be resting," he replied sternly, "You are in no condition to be sitting." But Edward had too many questions for Kain to warrant sleep.

"K-Kain!?" Edward exclaimed, his eyes widened, "What on earth... but... why did you help me!? Where did you bring me, and why!?" Kain sighed, knowing that Edward was being difficult, and wishing that of all the times the bard grew a backbone, now wouldn't be it. Kain set his spear against the wall, walking to his chair and sitting in it.

"Why did I help you?" Kain repeated, tilting his head, "Hmm... I suppose you just happened to be at the wrong place at the right time. I was heading up to face my own challenge, and you just happened to be getting yourself killed, Edward." He looked away, an odd smile spreading across his face as he remembered what Cecil told him of the bard he now sat with. He was surprised to have seen Edward up on that peak; he never thought Edward would be traveling alone. He assumed the prince would return to Damcyan. As he looked back, he found Edward staring at him in disbelief, and so he asked, "What? Did you wish me to leave you to die?" Edward shivered, but not in the fear he had felt. No, he shivered because he felt his own face get warm with the dragoon's words.

"No... of course not," Edward whispered, and looked down, avoiding Kain's gaze, "I... I wanted to be stronger. I need to be stronger... I need to..." He heard a thunk and looked over, only to find Kain had taken his helmet off and was striding to the mirror to comb out his hair, as it fell gracefully behind his armor. Kain, who had noticed that Edward had stopped speaking, looked at the reflection in his mirror and frowned as he picked up a brush.

"You need to what?" he urged, "I'm listening. I'm merely unwinding before I head off to speak with Cecil." Edward blinked, and looked away again. His face continued to grow warm under the dragoon's eyes, despite being only a reflection. He didn't want to appear to ignore the dragoon, but Edward was becoming confused, both by the feeling he was developing and the rush of what had happened on Mt. Ordeals. He forced himself to continue, not wanting to anger Kain or test his patience.

"I need to become stronger so I can move on," Edward forced himself to say, and Kain dropped the brush, "...I must move on. I believe Anna would want that for me, but I lack strength, Kain... I was hoping I could find it... on that mountain... But I couldn't even defend myself! I am so damned weak! Pathetic! I don't... deserve to have been rescued." He clutched the covers angrily, his eyes welling up with tears. He was speaking truth, but even the words caused his stomach to turn. Move on from Anna? Edward doubted he could do even that. Kain turned, and when Edward looked up, his face streaked with his tears, he found himself staring into the crisp, green eyes of Kain Highwind, and his cheeks reddened again. Kain's frown exuded concern for the bard, genuine, true concern as he walked over and placed a hand on the bard's head. Edward knew he was taking his temperature, but just for a moment, his heart skipped a beat. He tried to ignore it, but even that had caused him just a spark of pain.

"Rest, Edward," Kain said firmly, forcing the bard to lay down, "You are weak, and you are ill. Please, just rest. I must speak with Cecil, and I will have Rosa examine you." He walked quickly to the door, opening it again. But, before he left, he turned to Edward, "Do not... leave this room until I return." Without a response, Kain closed the door, leaving Edward alone in what he now assumed was Kain's quarters. He looked around, admiring the way the sunlight caught the surface of the stones, making the room appear brighter than it should have been. It gave him a peaceful feeling, and seemed to try to erase the pain in both his head and his heart. He forced his eyes away, back down to the white linens that covered Kain's bed. He had too much to think about right then.

"He... he saved my life," Edward whispered, "Kain saved my life, and I'm thanking him... by telling him I wasn't worth his time. Who was I to make that choice for him?" He looked out of the window, to the fields that surrounded the Baron castle. It had been so long since he saw such beauty, and the blush to his cheeks returned as he said, "Anna... would have loved it here." But, despite speaking of Anna, his mind went to the face he saw in that mirror; to Kain's face. To the worry he saw in Kain's eyes, to the blue markings on Kain's face... and to his beautiful hair, which Edward had never seen without that cursed helmet covering the dragoon's visage. That thought made his cheeks burn, and furiously, Edward shook his head to force the thought away. His brow creased angrily.

"No!" he shouted, and then lowered his voice, "No. I will _not_ admire that! Anna is my beloved! Anna! ...Anna..." Edward's eyes watered, and tears spilled again as he repeated her name, "Anna... I'm sorry... Anna... what am I feeling... I should have felt it for you... and for you alone... why is this happening to me?" He looked at the mirror, staring at his distant reflection, who portrayed his conflicted mind and angry words just perfectly. But inside, Edward knew what was going on. He had felt it, just a tiny bit, when he had met Kain for the first time. Yang had sensed evil in Kain... but Edward sensed sadness. He sensed loneliness... and for the first time, Edward was able to relate to someone. No words had been spoken, and at the time, Edward had dismissed it. But now, he knew what he was feeling. He was attracted to Kain once again, and damn it all, it was because he had been _rescued_. If Kain hadn't come to his aid, he would never even be dealing with this.

"I can't let this happen to me," he told himself, "I am not... I know for a fact... that I... I can't love him." Edward gripped the covered again, but his tone softened as he said, "But those beautiful eyes. All that he has is pain. I can't... stand to see that. I couldn't stand to see it in Fabul... and this is no different. But why now? Why am I..."

"Edward? May I enter?" came Rosa's voice from behind the door. Edward blinked, forgetting that Kain had said he'd send Rosa up. He shivered again. He wanted some time to himself to clear his head and get a few things straight, but he knew if he ignored Rosa, he'd probably anger both Kain and Cecil. He sighed, and asked her to come in. She opened the door and slipped inside, that gentle smile seeming to never leave her face; Edward remembered it clearly the last time he had seen her. She walked over and checked his forward, nodding as she said, "Kain has been worried about you since he came back. I've never seen him so concerned for anyone before.. oh dear, you're burning up, too..." Edward looked away, wondering if what Rosa was saying was true. Meanwhile, Rosa herself took out a cloth and walked over to a small basin filled with water, dipping the cloth in.

"Was he... worried?" Edward asked, as Rosa came back to apply the damp cloth to his forehead. She nodded as she pressed some of the cool water out of it.

"Very much so. He practically carried you inside," she replied gently, "You were completely unconscious, you probably didn't hear him. But he said he was worried he came too late to help you. He was really upset with himself." Edward blinked, trying to process that. He hadn't known Kain long, but what he did know felt as though Kain wasn't the type of person to take blame where it wasn't needed. Why was he a special exception? Edward didn't know, and he certainly didn't want to think about it. He was confused enough as it is. And the look Rosa gave him, though gentle, told him she had an idea as to what he was wondering. She sighed and said, "Kain hasn't been the same since Zeromus was defeated. Not even Cecil can get much out of him anymore."

"Why is that?" Edward asked, and Rosa calmly made note of the concern in the bard's voice. She shook her head.

"Only Kain would know why he's so closed down," Rosa replied, "Only last week did Cecil finally ask him why he never showed up for our wedding. He was trying to face his own trial on Mt. Ordeals, much like you were." Edward hummed. He had a feeling Kain didn't succeed then, because Kain just told him he was also facing his challenge. But curiosity about the dragoon overrode Edward's normally shy personality.

"Did he succeed?" he asked. Rosa's eyes watered slightly, and though she kept that gentle smile, Edward knew the answer before the word even escaped her lips.

"No," she replied, "He made it up there... and couldn't face his shame. He's been despondent ever since, and he's been having terrible nightmares. It takes Cecil shouting to snap him out of them, and most of the time, he wakes up in tears. I'm worried... that Golbez did terrible damage to him, but Kain refuses to tell us what his dreams are." Edward bit his lip. That was saddening to hear. And he found himself wanting to help Kain out, even though he had no idea what to do. Not even Rosa and Cecil could help Kain, and they were his closest friends. Maybe, though, that was _why_ he couldn't let them help him. Because he had hurt them so much. Edward wanted to speak, but Rosa stood up and said, "I'm sorry, Edward. I meant only to check on you and I've told you a very depressing tale instead. You must be tired." In truth, Edward wasn't tired at all, but he needed time to sort through all of this. He nodded.

"Yes, I am," he lied, "But I'll be well enough to join you later?" Rosa nodded, and chuckled.

"That would be wonderful," she said, and laughed as she added, "Perhaps you can put Ceodore to sleep. I certainly can't, and Cecil swears he is tone deaf." Edward snorted softly. He had never heard Cecil sing, but if the new king of Baron swore he was a bad singer, Edward would believe it. Rosa left the room, closing the door behind her, and once again, Edward resumed his thoughts. They centered on Kain, and why Edward felt such a need to try and help him. It was true, Edward himself had a lot of pain and self-hatred, but Kain's was severe. Kain's was... life-threatening if it continued.

"He's too ashamed to talk to Rosa and Cecil because they're his friends. He loves them," Edward concluded quietly, fingering his scarf, "He's too ashamed to talk to Rydia, because he caused her a lot of pain, too. He's too ashamed to face Cid, Edge, or Yang because he betrayed them all. But... is he too ashamed to speak to me? He has done nothing to dilute my thoughts on him. Will he talk with me?" He had no way to know the answer, but Edward steeled his resolve. He would speak with Kain. That night, after dinner had been concluded, whereas Edward did indeed visit and put little Ceodore to sleep, he followed Kain back up the Eastern tower. Their walk was generally silent, with Kain only breaking it to ask if Edward minded staying in the Eastern Tower. As it stood, the Western Toward was being turned into an infirmary, and there was little else where Edward could stay in relative silence. Kain offered to keep him in his quarters, and Edward had agreed. As soon as Kain closed the door to his room, he sat down in his chair, beckoning for Edward to sit on the bed. Edward did so, and after a long silence, he decided to just ask Kain his questions.

"Rosa came in and told me about you after you left Baron," he said gently, and Kain perked an eyebrow as he picked up his helmet and placed it on his lap, "You failed your lunar trial." Kain frowned, and that frown told Edward he had cut too far and too deep. He flinched, never liking Kain's stern glares, but he forced himself to look at the dragoon. He promised himself he would help Kain.

"...I didn't fail it," Kain replied, "I never even started it. But why would Rosa tell you this?" His eyes narrowed furiously, glaring out the window and across the castle commons, "I'll need to remind Cecil that my life is personal and neither he nor Rosa should relay it without my consent."

"I asked her to tell me," Edward said quickly, and Kain's gaze fell right back onto the bard, "I'm sorry... I had to know, Kain. I had to know why you were up there. Why you were... challenging yourself. Why you blame yourself." Suddenly, Kain's eyes roared with an angry fire that Edward had never seen in his life. Of course, the dragoon's anger was in no way directed to the poor bard, but there was no other target. His anger was immediately vented at Edward, and if Edward hadn't prepared himself for such, he was sure he'd have died from a heart attack. Kain rushed over and pinned Edward up against the wall, glaring right in the man's eyes.

"It is _my_ fault Golbez nearly destroyed our world! I have every damned _right_ to blame myself entirely!" Kain spat, his voice in a menacing growl as Edward flinched again, "If I hadn't been so _weak_ and _pathetic_, Golbez wouldn't have come after us! Don't you _dare_ tell me it's not my fault! We all know it is, you stupid idiot!" Kain was about to scream even more, but when he saw Edward's eyes water, as well as felt the bard's body shaking, Kain forced himself to back away before he actually hit the man. His breathing was heavy, and it took a long minute for either of them to calm themselves enough to continue. Kain turned away, shame once again pounding him for hurting Edward like that, and Edward silently slid off of the bed, walking to the dragoon. He placed a hand on Kain's shoulder.

"It isn't your fault," Edward said gently, "Golbez took advantage of you. That's not your fault at all. When Anna died, I blamed myself because I was a coward and she protected me. But it was _not_ my fault. I couldn't control her. And you couldn't control Golbez. Kain, you did nothing wrong!" Kain's eyes widened as he stared at the wall. That was true enough, but he was just too ashamed of himself. But... Edward didn't give a care for any of that. If anything, it made the bard that much more open-minded to him. Kain closed his eyes.

"I... I must do this," Kain told him, "Someday, I must."

"But not now," Edward told him, and Kain snapped back to look at him, "You aren't ready yet. Maybe that's... why you can't do it. You aren't yet ready." Kain's frown returned, but it held no anger this time. He considered Edward's words. Not even Rosa had told him he wasn't ready, and now that he thought on it, perhaps he truly wasn't. He could _barely_ speak to Cecil at all, and unless he was asking a question, he avoided Rosa. Which meant he still hadn't met Ceodore yet. He sighed gently.

"And tell me, how do I prepare myself for this journey?" he asked Edward, hoping his voice didn't scare the already-shaken bard. Edward could only smile.

"The first thing to do would be to get back to being friends with Cecil and Rosa," he said gently, "Then, even if you fail, you know you have a place to return to." Kain hummed. That would be a comforting thought, but he feared both Cecil and Rosa would give up on trying to help him. After all, they had an entire kingdom to rule; he was just one person within that vast kingdom. But, he nodded. At the very least, he had Edward's help on that. That... comforted him. It gave him confidence.

"Yes... that would be the best thing to do," Kain whispered, "But... Edward, I'm... nervous. It has been a stressful year. Will they truly see my friendship?" Edward's lips thinned. They would if he had anything to say on it. He smiled slyly, and nodded, but Kain couldn't see his hidden words behind the nod. He clapped Kain on the back.

"I promise it'll work out," Edward said, and after that, they spoke very little on the subject. Edward found himself falling asleep only a few moments later, and couldn't remember when it was when he finally awoke. All he knew was that it was bright outside, and that Kain was snoring in his chair. Edward didn't think it was particularly fair that Kain was asleep in a chair when it was _his room to begin with_, but that was Kain's choice. He slipped out of the bed, and after a quick brush of his hair, went out to join Rosa and Cecil for breakfast. They were waiting in the courtyard, sitting at the nice, little table in the center. Ceodore's crib was brought out so he too could enjoy the fresh air, and he giggled when he saw Edward.

"Edda!" he exclaimed, pointing up, "Edda sing!" Edward chuckled, taking off his scarf to let the baby play with it, who adored it entirely. He sat down and watched as Cecil took a hearty chomp of eggs, with Rosa smiling serenely at him.

"Good morning, Edward! Did you sleep well?" she asked, and then added, "Where on earth is Kain?" Edward took a deep breath. This would take some diplomacy if he had a chance to help Kain deal with his problems. He just hoped he managed to have some of that diplomacy.

"I had a wonderful sleep, thank you," he replied, as Cecil offered him some toast, "Kain's still asleep... but before he wakes up, I need to speak with you both about him." Rosa tilted her head as Cecil looked at him, half a piece of bread dangling out of the paladin's mouth. Rosa slapped his arm and he swallowed his breakfast, sipping his wine to wash his mouth out.

"What about Kain?" he asked suspiciously, "Did he harm you?" Edward shook his head.

"Not at all, but I fear he'll be attempting Mt. Ordeals again," the bard replied, eating an egg between words, "And he's too ashamed to tell anyone how he feels about it. But... I think he's going to try and patch up his relationships with you both before he leaves. If you... have any hatred to him... will you forgive him? Please?" Rosa and Cecil looked at each other. They had already long forgiven Kain, knowing fully it wasn't his fault to begin with. Rosa smiled serenely, and Cecil nodded, though his face remained stern, which looked almost comical considering that he was half-eating, half-dropping his breakfast just moments before.

"We already have," Cecil said calmly, "Kain's the one who's avoiding us. Why? Did he say otherwise?" Edward shook his head, doubting most of Cecil's words. If Cecil forgave him, why was he so suspicious of Kain's words? Was it paranoia?

"Not at all," Edward replied, matching Cecil's seriousness, "In fact, I think he blames himself for that, too. He's ashamed, and I think he's terrified you've given up on him." Cecil looked down, sighing heavily. He should've seen that coming. He knew Kain from childhood, and one thing he knew of the dragoon was that honor meant everything to him. To shatter that honor was as close as death could've been for him. Rosa's uplifting smile vanished, replaced with a genuine look of concern on her face.

"We would never! We love Kain! He's our closest friend, and nothing he does could erase that!" she cried, and Cecil laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Oh... oh dear, he's coming out." Edward turned, and saw Kain slipping out of the Eastern Tower, his helmet in his hands as his pale blonde hair shimmered in the sunlight. But his stern frown remained, and Edward could sense the tension as he came toward the table. Remembering Edward's words, though, Kain forced a smile and saluted Cecil.

"Good morning, my king," he said, and bowed to Rosa, "My queen... how are you both this morning?" Cecil stood up, and smiled at Kain, taking the dragoon's hand and shaking it.

"Good morning, Kain. We're just fine. Just having some breakfast with Edward here," he replied, and Edward had to stifle a laugh at Cecil's overly friendly greeting, "Want some toast?" He was doing a terrible job, and even Rosa had to shake her head in disapproval. It was looking entirely too fake, even though they all knew Cecil meant every word he spoke. Kain could only smile and sit down.

"Toast sounds good," he said, taking a few pieces of the buttery bread and putting it on the plate Edward gave him, "Any news of the repairs on Mist?" Cecil shook his head, drinking another sip of wine.

"Not really. Rydia halted it and moved back to the Feymarch. I'm not sure she was happy here," Cecil replied, and frowned, "It was sad... we haven't seen her since the wedding." Edward frowned when he saw the distant look in Kain's eyes, but the dragoon shook himself out of it. He snorted softly, not entirely surprised that Rydia had chosen to move. She seemed to adore the Feymarch, and he remembered Asura's reaction to seeing her again.

"In that case, it'd be pointless to go there, then," he said, though it was mostly to himself. In a louder tone, he said, "I'm going to train today, then. The dragoons aren't yet back from their scouting, and I could use some toning. Cecil, do you want to join me?" Rosa smiled widely. Obviously, she loved the idea, and Cecil just perked an eyebrow as another egg slipped out of the corner of his mouth. The offer caught him off guard, and Rosa smacked his arm again, shaking her head at his unusual display of lack of grace. He winced, and then nodded.

"Surely, old friend," he replied, his voice strained from being smacked in the arm twice, "Swords or spears?" Kain looked up thoughtfully. He loved the use of spears, and he was nearly as good with a sword, but lately, he'd taken to trying his hand at axes. Though, it meant his jumps weren't as high; axes were much heavier than spears. He smirked.

"Spears," he replied, "Though that'll give you an unfair disadvantage. I'm sure your wife would hate to see you lose to me." Rosa chuckled, and Cecil just laughed. It'd been too long since Kain bragged about his own skills, and Cecil had begun to miss that. He gave Kain a returning smirk that just dared a challenge.

"We'll see who loses, Kain," Cecil replied, "Grab your weapon and let's duel." Kain raised an eyebrow, and Rosa glared at Cecil angrily. Normally, she agreed with everything Cecil did, so to see her glare was a shock to almost everyone. Everyone except for Rosa herself. Cecil blinked, wondering what he could've possibly done wrong now.

"Dearest," she started gently, "We're eating breakfast. I don't approve of spears sprouting out of my food, and I'm sure neither Edward nor Ceodore want to eat metal, either. Can it not wait?" Cecil moaned miserably, having wanted to spar with Kain for over a year now, and to have to wait because of, what was in his mind, a silly thing like _breakfast_ just seemed entirely too unfair. But he complied. He felt no need to argue with Rosa, knowing it could result in another smack to his arm... or one to his head if he was really unlucky. He sighed, and then saw the look of surprise on Kain's face. But, it wasn't over Rosa. It was over Ceodore.

"...your son is here?" he asked quietly, and Cecil nodded, grinning. Rosa stood up, and walked to the crib, taking the small baby out of it. She walked over and gently placed Ceodore in Kain's lap, and Kain knew she had wanted him to meet his nephew.

"Ceodore, this is your uncle Kain," she said softly, "He's the best dragoon you'll ever meet." Edward noted that tears formed in Kain's eyes as he held the small baby. A year ago, they'd have been tears of jealousy, but now, they were tears of happiness. He was _holding a child_, and it wasn't crying or about to die in his arms. He'd had too much of that in the past few years. He looked at Ceodore, inwardly laughing at the sprouts of white hair coming from his head, and his blue eyes, which matched Rosa's perfectly. He was definitely Cecil and Rosa's son.

"Oh, Rosa, he's beautiful," Kain whispered, "How old is he?"

"Just under a year," she replied, "We named him after his uncle, Golb... er... Theodore." Cecil nodded, smiling as he said, "My brother was insane, but he deserves honor. Not even he knew what he was truly doing. Poor man..." Kain hummed and nodded, wincing only a little when Ceodore grabbed his hair. Rosa took him after that, and then Cecil gave Kain a wide grin as he finished off the last of his toast. Kain knew what that meant; dueling time, something Cecil was obviously looking forward to. The two stood up quickly, with Rosa rolling her eyes. She could sense the challenges being slung in their minds. Edward just looked up and watched quietly as he ate a sausage.

"So, my dear friend, are you ready to get your ass kicked?" Cecil asked, not caring how rude his language was. He was just glad to be training with Kain again. Likewise, Kain nodded and slipped his helmet on. Edward frowned slightly; the helmet hid Kain's face, and he wanted to see Kain's look if he won their duel. But it didn't hide his smile, which simply grew as the seconds slipped by.

"First one to the armory gets the better weapon," he called, already dashing off. Rose just laughed as Cecil's eyes widened and he ran after the dragoon, screaming about the unnecessary advantage Kain gave himself. But, when the two were out of sight, silence slowly filled the courtyard as Rose watched Edward carefully. He'd been watching how fast the two were running off, but now, he seemed distant with something else as well. She could only guess what it was: Something to do about Anna.

"Did she often watch fights like this with you?" Rosa asked, and Edward looked at her, blank for a moment. Then, when he realized who she was talking about, he shook his head. His parents had held many fights between the guards, but he hadn't watched any of them. He preferred his music and poems. And he preferred to sing them to Anna. He looked up and sighed heavily.

"No," he replied, "Neither of us liked fighting." He expected Rosa to ask something more, but she merely nodded and went back to feeding Ceodore whatever he would eat of a few scrambled eggs. Edward frowned again, wondering what Rosa had wanted from such a question. He studied her for any sign of movement, but she was entirely focused with her son. Or, she seemed to be. Edward sighed again, and finally stood up as well and asked, "Would you mind if I went up and rested some more? I'm still quite tired." Rosa smiled and waved him off, but she watched him critically as he walked back to the Eastern tower. She noticed that something was different in Edward. That was twice that she knew of where he'd spoken of Anna and didn't break down from it, and for him, that was... unusual.

Several hours later, Kain was returning to his quarters. The day had gone better than he thought, though of the five times he fought with Cecil, he had only won once. He wasn't sour, but his arms and thighs hurt from all of the blows he took. Either he was really out of shape, or Cecil was just that good. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, Cecil really _was_ that good. He went silently up the stairs, and opened the door to find Edward sitting in the window, looking over the beautiful fields of Baron below. The town was beginning to grow quiet as the afternoon slowly passed, and Kain tilted his head when he saw that Edward held a quill and parchment in his hands. But, he wasn't writing, and there was nothing written on any of the parchment, either.

"Writing about her again?" Kain asked gently, slipping his helmet off and dumping it on the floor as he set his spear against the wall. Edward blinked and looked back at him, at first surprised that Kain was there. He hadn't even heard the door open. Then, he shook his head, smiling as he slipped from the sill.

"Actually, no," he replied kindly, "I was trying to find something else to write about. It's been a while since I've written poems on anything other than Anna... but I want to see what I could drum up." He looked down sadly and ended with, "But nothing is coming to me. It's as though she took my inspiration with her." Kain smiled weakly and patted Edward on the arm, the bard looking up at him with wide eyes. He never knew Kain to be able to comfort, but he felt reassurance in Kain being there.

"You'll find it again. Just give it time," Kain said calmly, and then laughed as he added, "Besides, you could try writing about _me_." Edward's cheeks blushed again, the thought having occurred to him more than once that afternoon, but what _could_ he write about? He barely knew that much about Kain at all! But... then he thought about it. He didn't _need_ to know much. He knew what Kain had gone through as Golbez's servant. That was enough for a song. He smiled slowly and nodded, hoping his blush had left by then. Picking up his quill and sitting back on the windowsill, he brought his parchment just a bit closer. The words seemed to flow now that he had a subject. Kain watched with mild interest as the bard scribbled on his parchment, wondering just what anyone could possibly write about him. Surely, Edward had written a short story about Cecil and told it in his travels back to Damcyan, but what could possibly be said for Kain? In any case, Edward was writing very quickly, and his eyes focused on his parchment with an intensity Kain had never seen before. Then, just like that, Edward frowned and stopped. Kain blinked, wondering what the sudden change was.

"...damn it!" Edward exclaimed, and Kain's brow rose, not expecting to hear a curse come from Edward's mouth. Edward's face reddened again and he gently said, "I've lost it again. I'm stuck." He gave a weak smile, to which Kain just snorted, walked over, and patted Edward on the back.

"Like I said, it'll take time to come back," he replied reassuringly, "It took a long time for my shame to go away. Today was the first day in... well, since I joined Golbez's ambitions, that I've been able to battle with Cecil and not wonder if he hates me for what I did. And I didn't kill anyone. Anna _died_ in your arms. I'm not... surprised that you haven't been able to write much since then." Edward looked up at him again. Kain held a good point; the _only_ thing he had written since Anna's death was about Cecil. But how on earth did Kain know that? When he asked, Kain just laughed and said, "Cecil took me to Troia a few times. When we visited you, I asked a few questions about you, and Cecil told me everything." Edward nodded slowly. He definitely didn't see _that_ answer coming. He remembered them all visiting him numerous times, but Kain had never really spoken much. He had the impression Kain didn't actually care much for him. Now he knew that wasn't entirely so.

"...how did your fight with him go?" Edward asked, but Kain's frown told him he didn't like the change of subject. Either way, Kain offered no objection. He crossed his arms, his lips forming a mocking smirk as he looked over the fields with Edward.

"I lost," he replied, and snorted, "Big surprise there, eh?" Edward just chuckled.

"You probably did better than I would have," he said, and Kain's grin just grew, "I'd have been killed in three seconds! Against either of you!" Both of them laughed, but just for a moment. In actuality, it wasn't really that funny to either of them, and when their laughs did die down, an awkward silence once again took its place. Kain looked intently at Edward, but the bard seemed lost in his thoughts. If any conversation would be spoken, it'd have to come from Kain. The dragoon sighed, leaning on the sill as he looked at the orange haze forming on the horizon.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, do you?" Kain asked after some time had passed. Edward blinked, having been snapped from his own thoughts, and turned to the dragoon again. The truth was, he felt he didn't deserve credit. What did he ever do to help Cecil's team, anyway?

"...I'm a coward," Edward replied after another tense moment, "That, I give credit to. But I am no warrior. I'm simply a coward and a bard."

"Your singing is what saved my friends on Mt. Hobs, and you helped to defeat the Dark Elf and reclaim the Earth Crystal," Kain reminded him, "And you went on despite losing your lover. That's strength." Edward's eyes widened, tears threatening to spill as he heard Kain's words. No one, not even Cecil, had said anything like that to him, and it touched him that Kain would do so. He had never felt like he was part of their team before, but still... he shook his head violently and looked away.

"I wanted to run!" he cried, and though he couldn't see Edward's face, Kain knew the tears had fallen, "I wanted to hide and pretend nothing existed! I wanted to ignore it!" Kain's eyes narrowed gently, and slowly, he placed his hands on Edward's shoulders. Edward was shaking again. Kain simply closed his eyes, and though he just meant to give the bard a reassuring pat, he found himself hugging Edward, the latter sniffling as he tried to dry his tears.

"Edward, there is nothing wrong with wanting to go away and never see the evils and destruction in the world," Kain told him, patting his hair, "Everyone has wanted to do that, but you didn't _do_ it. You _wanted_ to do it, but you never _did_. You have courage, Edward. You had the strength to admit that you wanted to run, and you faced it and did what you knew you had to do. You have more strength than most people do. You... you inspire people not to give up." Edward blinked again, sniffling just once as he pulled away from Kain and looked at the dragoon in the eyes. He never once felt that way at all. Kain just smiled, and Edward ultimately ended up admitting that he agreed with the dragoon. For a long moment, the two just looked at each other, and then Edward bit his lip and sat down. Kain tilted his head again. He could tell there was something on Edward's mind, something he had just decided, but whatever it was, Kain couldn't be sure of. For a long moment, Edward remained silent. But only just for a moment.

"...I want to train with you for your trial," he said, quietly at first, but when he saw Kain's reaction, he said, "Please. I want to train with you." Kain's frown returned, but it wasn't in disapproval. No, now he was concerned. His journey would be very dangerous; how could Edward ask to go along? When Kain hesitated, Edward said, "You doubt me." Kain shook his head, but his concern didn't vanish in the least.

"I'm worried you don't know what this entails," Kain replied, his voice gentle again, "Edward... you realize that I might not be able to protect you if you follow me? That, we might end up battling _each other_?"

"...I want to write about you, Kain," Edward stated firmly, "I want to write about how you overcame your trial, and I want to help with that."

"But killing yourself isn't the way!" Kain exclaimed, pure panic becoming apparent in him, "By the gods, Edward, what's gotten into you? First you try to face your own trial, you nearly get killed, and now you wish to follow me with _mine_? Are you insane!?" Edward looked down, glancing up only to see if Kain was angry. He wasn't; he was terrified Edward wouldn't back down. And, to his complete dismay, he had a right to be concerned. Edward _didn't_ back down.

"I don't want you to have to face this alone," Edward told him gently, his eyes watering again, "Kain... you've been alone for so much of your journey already. When you were separated from Cecil, no one was with you and even when you _were_ reunited, you felt alone. I don't... want that to happen to you." Kain sighed. He appreciated Edward's gesture, but this was something he had to stop right then. He had to be firm. He closed his eyes, hoping his voice didn't rise or crack with unexpected fury like it had last night.

"No," Kain said, and when Edward protested, he said it again, "No. You will not do this. This is _my_ fight, Edward. And if you interfere... may the Eidolons have mercy on you, for I won't." Then, Kain turned away. Edward was left to silence, unable to find argument with the dragoon. And so, for days, Edward and Kain remained living in shared quarters, with the tension between them slowly dissipating. Edward would help Rosa with chores and caring for Ceodore as Kain went out to train with Cecil. It was all well for Edward, but he found himself growing more concerned for the dragoon the longer he stayed with him. And, Kain's words didn't leave his mind, either. Slowly, the days turned to weeks, but Edward never once brought up following Kain on his trial. Even at night, when they spent their time talking about their plans and trying to get the other interested in their own hobbies, Edward didn't bring up the argument. But it never once left his mind. It haunted him as he left the tower each morning, and followed him like a shadow as he recovered from Mt. Ordeals, and only when he slept did he find relief. But the time was coming, and it was sooner than Edward wanted. Finally, nearly two months had passed, and when Edward awoke on that morning, he knew immediately something was wrong. Kain wasn't in the room.

"...Kain?" Edward called softly, climbing out of the bed, "Where on earth are you, my friend?" He opened the door and walked down to the second floor of the tower, which Kain used as both a study and a parlor, but the dragoon wasn't there, either. Edward bit his lip, wondering where Kain could've gone to, and left the second floor, finally reaching the door to the courtyard. He opened it up, and raced into the courtyard. All was silent as the wind blew through the high grass. Edward scanned the scene. Absolutely no one was out yet, which was unusual, given the time. At least a few servants should've been running about, but nothing stirred. Edward silently walked through the grass, and though normally he loved the smell of fresh grass, that morning, he dismissed it as he went looking for Kain. The wind howled for just a moment, and Edward stopped to listen. If he could hear the distant roar of a dragon, that might explain where Kain was. And yet, the wind brought no word with it. Edward's frown grew as he continued through the yard until he reached the steps toward the main chambers of the castle. Sighing heavily, he walked up and opened the large doors leading into the foyer just before the throne room. To his surprise, Rosa was there. But she didn't look cheerful as usual. She looked over at him and waved, but he knew something was very, very amiss.

"Rosa, what's going on?" he asked her, "Where is Kain?" Rosa seemed to hesitate with her answer, but Edward persisted. He asked again, this time with a seriousness and a firm tone that Rosa had never heard him give before. He clearly was worried about Kain.

"We... we don't know, Edward," Rosa replied, trying to remain calm, but failing, "Cecil... went out to look for him. But..." Then, she said no more. She closed her mouth and looked away. Edward's fists clenched. He wanted to know what was wrong. It was highly unusual for Kain to just _disappear_, so where in hell could he have been?

"Rosa, tell..." Edward stopped, and his eyes widened. He knew where Kain was, or at least was going to go. Kain had mentioned that he was getting ready for his trial. Edward's hands shook as he recalled what Kain had said to him last night. Something about reconnaissance. But for what? Kain hadn't had a mission or an errand for quite some time now, not with the peace Cecil was working to instill within his borders. No, it wasn't for any mission from Cecil. It was definitely for his personal trial. Edward swore angrily.

"He left for Mt. Ordeals!?" Edward demanded, turning angrily on Rosa, "Why didn't you stop him!? Is he even ready!?" Rosa's eyes watered, and Edward forced himself to calm down. There was no sense in getting angry with Rosa, but who else knew Kain's whereabouts? He breathed deeply and said, "I'm sorry, Rosa... I just..." Rosa smiled as she walked over and patted his shoulder.

"It's fine," she said calmly, "...Edward... I've begun to notice something about you. You've... changed. It's as though you yourself went through a trial of your own." He blinked quickly, scanning her face for any sign to what she might've been getting at, but Rosa betrayed nothing as she continued, "You're very worried about Kain, and you've been doing everything you can to help him. I think that's... good. Kain needs someone to help him when neither Cecil nor I can." Edward raised a brow at her, wondering where she was going with this. She simply smiled, but that didn't tell him anything he wanted to know. He decided that if he was going to make sense of what she was asking, he'd have to be direct.

"I... I think I've changed, too," he replied slowly, and though he was being as gentle as he could, his frown hardened, "But... Rosa, what are you getting at?" Rosa bit her lip. There was no easy way to ask him what she knew was true. She had known it when Kain first brought Edward to Baron, but when she had asked Kain, he merely ignored the question.

"Well... you don't talk about Anna as much. When you do, you don't cry. You shed no tear, you barely change your voice," she began, hoping that she wasn't going to offend him, "I'm glad of that. I'm glad that you're doing better. But... with Kain, you've gotten very..." Edward's frown deepened further. Now he understood what she was trying to ask, and as he realized it, a slow blush crept onto his face. Not just because he was embarrassed, but also because he knew he was developing feelings for Kain, despite the short time he was living in Baron. He looked at the floor, trying to find something to say to her, but nothing would come to him. She smiled again and said, "You love him, don't you?" Edward's eyes widened again, and furiously, he shook his head.

"Of course not!" he cried, backing away, "I... I can't! I'm... It's not right!"

"And does that matter?" Rosa asked, as Edward backed away again, "Edward... you have nothing to be ashamed of."

"_I LOVE ANNA!_" Edward cried, and screamed when he turned and saw Kain standing there, Cecil right behind him. Kain set his spear down, taking off his helmet, revealing the slight frown he wore. Cecil looked from Edward to Kain, and then to his wife, who shrugged and sighed as he walked over. He hated the tension being created, and could only guess at what Rosa was trying to pull. He merely shook his head.

"I found Kain coming back from the lake," he replied, heading into the throne room, "He was trying to clean off his spear." He left, and Rosa glanced at the doorway before turning back to Kain and Edward, the former of which looked at the latter with a seriousness that threatened to crush Edward if Rosa didn't intervene. She stepped forward, but Kain waved her away. Then he turned to look at her, his brows creased in frustration for what he knew she had asked.

"Rosa, leave us. We must speak of my departure alone," he said firmly, and Rosa hurried after Cecil. Kain let the silence reign down for a moment before looking back at Edward, whose face was slowly becoming streaked with tears. Kain sighed and said, "You know I'm leaving today, yes?" Edward nodded, and Kain continued, "You also know that you're free to stay here while I'm away?"

"I plan to return to Damcyan soon," Edward admitted, "I... I need to face up to my kingdom and rebuild it." Kain considered that, but only for a moment.

"...very well," he finally said, "In any case, I am going to try and face my trial. And..." he said, as Edward went to protest, "I will do it alone." Edward's mouth closed slowly. Kain was dead-set on going by himself, and if there was one thing Edward had learned about Kain, it was that he was incredibly stubborn. Edward bit his lip, glancing over toward the side, where a lonely set of armor rested on a pedestal. He had nothing to say about Kain's refusal, nor could he bring himself to return Kain's stare. After a long, uncomfortable moment, Kain tapped his chin and asked, "Why do you wish to help me, anyway?" Edward finally dared to look, his eyes widened and wet with tears. The truth was that, as Rosa guessed, he had feelings for Kain. He didn't want to see Kain die on the mountains, where no one would find him. He looked away as his face threatened to redden. He couldn't say any of that and expect it to be returned.

"I... don't know," he whispered, his voice shaking for the first time in weeks, "I don't know, Kain." Kain frowned, and for a moment, saw the same vulnerability Edward had when he first lost Anna. Edward was shaking, trying to keep himself under control. He didn't want this to happen, he didn't even want to think about how torn apart his own heart felt, let alone what he felt about Kain leaving Baron. Kain let out a heavy sigh and crossed his arms.

"Don't you?" he asked, and Edward looked away again, "...when I finally accepted that Rosa was Cecil's, I never again thought I'd deal with losing someone I cared about. I had accepted that I was to remain alone for the rest of my life. Atonement for what I had done." Edward blinked, unable to sort what Kain was saying. He looked back at the dragoon, tears streaming his cheeks again, strings of his blonde hair sticking to his face from the dampness. Kain gave a weak smile and continued, "And, I never once thought I'd develop feelings for... well, for _you_. I first met you... and thought you were nothing more than an annoyance. I didn't expect anything from you, and when I left Troia, that was it. But then you came back into my life, and I began to realize that I misjudged you." Edward's voice cracked as he opened his mouth to speak.

"K-Kain..." he began, but Kain held up a hand to stop him. He still had more to say.

"Every day, while you've been here, I've learned something about you that I'd never expected. I didn't want to admit it, I even began to loathe it, but I couldn't deny it, either. And, now that we're both here, I think you deserve to know before you tear yourself apart over this," Kain stated, "Edward, I care about you. I don't want to hurt you with my decision, but you must understand why I must do this alone. I refuse to put anyone, especially you, in danger again. You shouldn't... fight." Kain had to stop himself. He had no idea where he was going with this, or what else he could possibly say to Edward. He sighed and looked down. Whatever he _should_ have said, he had a feeling that wasn't it. But before he could open his mouth to speak again, he felt someone hug him, and looked up to see that it was Edward himself. He felt tears splashing onto his shoulder, and just thinned his lips a bit. Neither said a word now, but Kain slowly returned the bard's embrace. For just that moment, Kain's stoic exterior dropped slightly as he patted Edward's back.

"I understand," Edward replied gently, "And I wish you luck, Kain." They let go and looked at each other quietly. Edward was shocked to find that Kain was also shedding tears, but he quickly wiped them away. Slowly, he smiled, something that was unusual for the dragoon.

"Thank you," he said, and picked up his spear, "I'll visit you, when I finish." Edward nodded, sniffling as he wiped at his eyes. Kain let out another heavy sigh, and then slipped his helmet on, concealing his face from the bard's view. He walked outside, with Edward following until they reached the middle of the yard. Kain turned just once more and said, "I don't know when I'll be back, or if I'll come back at all. I may die, or I may be banished, but I promise that the time we did spend together, however short, I will never forget. Just promise me one thing, Edward." Edward blinked, tilting his head as he wondered what he could possibly promise.

"What is it?" he asked calmly. Beneath his helmet, Kain smiled.

"Promise me that, one day, I can hear your songs before either of us die," he replied. Edward's mouth dropped open, but before he could get his harp, Kain leapt into the air. The ground fell away within seconds beneath him, and soon, he could barely see Edward at all. But, he knew the bard was running to keep up, at least until the border gave way. He didn't know when he would ever see Edward again, but he smiled as he heard Edward's reply, for it meant that Edward would keep his promise.

"I promise you that you will!" Edward called, only hoping Kain could hear him, "I will sing the day you reach the summit, and I will sing of your bravery, Kain Highwind! I promise you this!" And that warmed Kain's heart. For when he faced his trial, his darkest thoughts, he knew that this time, unlike last, he wouldn't be alone. And, when he came back, he had something to come back to. That was a reward greater than any treasure he could gain. For both of them.

--(End)

And so, it looks like Kain won't be alone as he faces his trial after all! When I first started this story, I really was going for a KainxEdward theme, but I'm not entirely sure I pulled it off. It ended up being much longer than I thought, and I've never been too good with writing romance. But, I thought this still worked out fine. I really liked this pairing, and for some reason, it just feels like Edward would be the one person who could help Kain out, because both of them had gone through really hard times and neither seemed like they had anyone to go to. I wanted to attempt a story about them. Anyway, I hope you liked my story, so click that Review button!


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